There are times...

There are times where i just dont feel like doing anything apart from doing lazy stuff and this are the times that i feel like that.. Hmm.. soo moodless, probably because i realize there is nothing i can do to set myself free so that i could doing things i want the most. Felt like i am currently grieving for myself. Grieving for this nasib that i had. Hmm..still feeling sad, but i had to pretend to feel nothing in front of them cause if they knew how i felt right now, they would not even pity for me instead feeling angry that i want to do things that they dont allowed me to. They do not know that they are currently taking my happiness away from me. They just cared about their feeling..How bout mine? they surely does not give the fuck about it i bet. i know i sound like such a brat right now, but i dont give a damn, cause this is how i felt deep inside. There are times where i felt like i could go crazy and i just felt like i want to kill myself. This stress to me are unbearable, and it will take time for me to shake this thing off.. but its hard to shake it off if i am here as if being locked up and i am unable to meet with my friend. They are the only one who could make me happy. Around them i could just be happy and all the problem seems like doesnt exist when im around them. But now..its already cuti..so i cant go anywhere, im stuck here facing all the shits that they put me through. They certainly do not think whether their act could hurt me so badly emotionally and mentally. Thank goodness im still normal and i can cope it without doing silly thing such as taking drugs or taking alcohol things like that. There is nothing i can do expect keep it in me and the only place i could let it out is here. But still, its not enough, i still feel suffocating deep inside. i know im an ungrateful bitch and people who read this probably think im a cry baby or something for whining this sort of stuff. but let them be. i dont care....

The truth's is

The truth's is i never really like my life. I have been it hated since like forever. What i hunger the most in life is freedom. I seriously hate it when people dont give me my freedom. seriously i hate how my life is not like most of other people who can freely go wherever they want. Sometime i rather having no family at all if this is the life that i have been given. Why do they have to do this to me. I hate it! i hate it soo much! i wanna fight them im afraid i get hurt even more. there is no point of arguing when in the end all you get is more heart breaks more stress and all. i seriously hate it. im now like seriously wanted to scream my heart out. scream until im satisfied, scream until all this hurts in my heart gone. Gone with the scream. but sadly im afraid they could hear it and then would hurts my heart even more. i hate this life ever since when i am little. This thing which they called love are so hurts it hurts me deeply. i think that if my heart could really bleed right now because of heart ache it already bleeding heavily... why why why i cant have life like others. is this what they called Love??? then love sucks i rather they dont love me at all if this is the case. people may called me ungrateful...yes i am seriously ungrateful! i dont give a damn. cause right now my heart is veryyy hurts and there is nothin i can do but to just spit it out here. shit...macam maw maki2 saja bah...seriously pukima punya kehidupan..sometime i rather die than to live this such an awful life. i know my life is not the worse and there  are other people are more suffering than mine. but still i hate it soo much as if i wanna run away but i know what are the consequence is so i have to kept this hurtful feeling.. seriously i felt like want to cry out loud shout out loud for my freedom.. why does life have to be this suffocating!!!!!! arggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Done with Degree Semester 5

Yippeee~~

Finally all the studying for test, exam, and doing assignment is finally over and another 1 more semester and i will end my Degree courses. Im very happy but sad at the same time, i dont realize that by this thing to be end means i will now rarely gonna meet with my classmate, i am surely gonna miss them. i love them so much and thinking about not being able to gathered together again make me so sad seriously. I think they are the best classmate i ever had. I dont know when we are able to gathered together again someday. Huu.. However, life must go on. People come people go, but i think if we truly are friends we could always meet up right :) I will never forget them.

Hee, end about that part, now what i am worried is my practical, serious shit i am so nervous, im so scared that im gonna mess it up. Since i know im not the kind of person who have the smartest brain. im slow! my brain is slow! i dont know whether i can keep up with this. seriously im Scared! Not to mention we will be doing our own research paper! by our own, as in by MYSELF!?? Oh My Gashh! im not sure im capable of it. Seriously im lazy to think about it.

 Anyway just finish my last paper exam yesterday and i hope i can pass all of my subject because if i dont,,, there will be NO PRACTICAL for me. yeah you can read it clearly right... NO PRACTICAL! Hoho.. im surely cannot imagine and i dont even want to imagine about failing any of my subject. This i give it to god to handle it. I have done my part, and i probably havent given all my effort to it. BUT i still hope to Pass it with a good result! Who doesnt want this right??? right?? HEe...

So i have only about 1 and a half week for holidaying, and im gonna start my practical on 3rd February which is gonna be very soon from now! huuu....my holiday! its so short! i dont like it! im tired! and i dont think there are any rest for me since i need to think about my research topic!!! aarghh...im stress, nervous and most of it i am freaking out right now...Hee i know i think to much~ but i cant help it..hoho..

Anyhow, good luck to me~ huhu..

My feeling today (16.01.2014)

Hello~
Its been raining almost every day these day.
Luckily today there aren't any rain.
Today i felt like the sun shine so pretty i dont know why its just,
and it make me happy for no reason, the air breeze are also nice, i like it a lot.
Seriously for the first time in my life these are the prettiest sun shine i ever seen or probably just realize.
wish i could take picture of what i feel that time, but yeah its hard to explain. Probably i had just learn to love
the little thing in life that make this bitter world a pretty place.

Another thing that i felt pretty today is myself! Haha!
dont know why i just do.
even though im not like other girl who is as slim as f**k which i often jealous of. And with my large belly, hugh legs and thigh,round and wide faces with pimples and pimples scars....
But today im grateful, hihi..
I guess its normal that human will never be satisfied for what they had, some girl who is even skinnier than me still think them as if they are the fattest people on earth..hehe! well same for me which i know there a people even larger than me, but still i think im as big as them.
But, but, but...
today im seriously grateful and i wish i will keep up this positive vibe of mine~ Hee...
Enjoy your life people, stop wanting what others have, but if you really want it, do something about it, get it, dont just sit there and think or jealous about what they have.
This is also well an advise to myself i guess, cause we are the same, me and you are human, again its normal to be like me. But i read some picture during searching at google, it said "DREAM DONT WORK, UNLESS YOU DO." So do something about your dreams people, and i will making sure that i does it to :)

What i want i will get it myself. Fighthing!!

Happy New Year!! 2014~~
Woot! Woot!

Its a new year, needs getting bigger,
last year wishlist still some of it not yet accomplish.
This new year, imma gonna get what i want by myself.
Im not gonna rely on my parent.
They never really took it serious when i want something.
Therefore, im gonna get it by myself, using my own money and my own effort.
They always dont want me to do it on my own..but they never really have help much either.
Better dont give a damn and just to what i want to do..
i dont know where am i gonna get that money, but i will..Amen!!