There are times...

There are times where i just dont feel like doing anything apart from doing lazy stuff and this are the times that i feel like that.. Hmm.. soo moodless, probably because i realize there is nothing i can do to set myself free so that i could doing things i want the most. Felt like i am currently grieving for myself. Grieving for this nasib that i had. Hmm..still feeling sad, but i had to pretend to feel nothing in front of them cause if they knew how i felt right now, they would not even pity for me instead feeling angry that i want to do things that they dont allowed me to. They do not know that they are currently taking my happiness away from me. They just cared about their feeling..How bout mine? they surely does not give the fuck about it i bet. i know i sound like such a brat right now, but i dont give a damn, cause this is how i felt deep inside. There are times where i felt like i could go crazy and i just felt like i want to kill myself. This stress to me are unbearable, and it will take time for me to shake this thing off.. but its hard to shake it off if i am here as if being locked up and i am unable to meet with my friend. They are the only one who could make me happy. Around them i could just be happy and all the problem seems like doesnt exist when im around them. But now..its already cuti..so i cant go anywhere, im stuck here facing all the shits that they put me through. They certainly do not think whether their act could hurt me so badly emotionally and mentally. Thank goodness im still normal and i can cope it without doing silly thing such as taking drugs or taking alcohol things like that. There is nothing i can do expect keep it in me and the only place i could let it out is here. But still, its not enough, i still feel suffocating deep inside. i know im an ungrateful bitch and people who read this probably think im a cry baby or something for whining this sort of stuff. but let them be. i dont care....